?Why are we afraid to go down into our pain? I'll go crazy, you think. I'll lose control. No one will understand or tolerate me. It'll destroy my family. Well, if you don't go into your pain, every single one of those things will happen.? - John Lee Our feelings are as natural and fundamental as breathing. Yet most of us walk around holding our feelings inside. Holding our emotions in is like holding our breath! Instead of fighting the feelings, express them. Here are four steps to help you win the battle and make friends with your feelings.
Step 1: Explore your beliefs. How do you treat your feelings? Do you act as if they are the enemy? Do you characterize some as "good" (love, joy) and some as "bad" (anger, hurt)? The messages you've received about emotions influence your beliefs and attitudes toward your feelings. List all the negative messages you've had about feelings. Think about messages you received from your family and community?what were you taught?
Step 2: Go to the movies! Watch a movie that will evoke feelings, whether a tear jerker, nail biter, horror film, etc. Use the movie to help you express your feelings. Let yourself shake with fear, cry your eyes out, or get openly mad at the injustice or maltreatment someone receives...Let yourself feel.
Step 3: Focus on the basics. Start identifying how you feel based on the primary five feelings: anger, love, sadness, fear, hurt. When you feel a certain way?annoyed, frustrated, down in the dumps, excited, uncertain?ask yourself which of the primary emotions are you feeling. Are you angry, sad, or afraid? Maybe it's a combination of two or more feelings?you can have more than one at a time! Practice identifying just the basics.
Step 4: Create an outlet. Just knowing that you have feelings is a great start. Talking to a friend or journaling about your feelings and thoughts can help you express them. If you don?t like to write, try drawing a picture to express how you are feeling. Create whatever feels like a safe outlet for your emotions. JUDITH WRIGHT is hailed as a world-class coach, inspirational speaker, best-selling author, and corporate consultant. She is cofounder of the Wright Institute for Lifelong Learning. {See her book's press release|See the press release for her book, "One Decision".
